


Life's Colors

by Fal1Out_Girl



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: AND IT'S CUTE, Alex's life is on his arm, Birds, F/M, Fluff, Fluff everywhere, M/M, Philip deserved better 2kforever, Tattoos, also, so many birds - Freeform, ten birds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 05:36:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11983269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fal1Out_Girl/pseuds/Fal1Out_Girl
Summary: A picture is worth a thousand words. Alexander can’t write that many words, so he’ll have the help of a few tattoos to tell the tale.





	1. Life's Colors

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly this is one of my favorite works! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do!

Alexander’s vision was blurry as he stared down at his arm, almost completely covered in tattoos. At times like this, his brain couldn’t help but think over every drop of ink that swirled and curved to create the impressive sleeve on his arm. Every bit of pain and joy and sadness and anger that had built up this sleeve, that had molded him into the man he was now. The sleeve had been John’s idea (that man had always had an eye for art), but the inking had begun long before John’s entrance into his life.

The first three birds came along when he was sixteen. The fake ID had looked questionable, but the artist had been convinced by the thick roll of cash Alex had plopped down on the counter. The first bird was his father, the man he could barely remember, who’d left his family without so much as a warning. The second was his mother, the kind, hardworking woman who had stayed by his side to the very moment of her passing. The third was his brother, who had been separated from him once the boys had been put in foster homes, but who had made it very clear in his last letter he no longer wanted anything to do with his younger brother. Alexander couldn’t remember actually getting the tattoos, just the musty smell of ink and leather and suddenly there were three birds flying away from his heart.

His eyes trailed from the birds to the numbers sprawled over his skin. His service number, the one he’d gotten in the military. He’d been an excited eighteen year old at the time, and he could remember everything about that day as clearly as if he were going through it right then. The woman giving him the tattoo hadn’t been as enthused, but the boy next to him had been all smiles and laughs. Alex had liked him. They left for basic training the next day sitting side by side, Hamilton and Mulligan. Every time he looked at those numbers, he saw Hercules and his larger than life smile. Those numbers signified more than the beginning of his military career-it was the beginning of his longest, strongest friendship.

  
It was through Hercules that Alex had met Lafayette, the passionate, determined Frenchman who’d instantly made himself a part of their lives. It was Lafayette who had chosen the lion tattoo for Alex. It was no secret the man was a raging inferno of ferocity despite his tiny stature. Those who knew him well all agreed he had all the ferocity of a lion trapped in the body of a tabby cat. It had been their first leave from active duty when he and the Frenchman had gone to get tattoos. The lion sat proudly on his shoulder now, surrounded by the other tattoos he’d gotten that day.

  
The pride flag had followed next, inspired by John, the strong-willed, stubborn, charming southerner who’d stolen Alexander’s heart in the blink of an eye. Alex had always found boys just as cute as girls, though when he lived back on Nevis he’d always just thought of that as him enjoying the vast amount of beauty all around him. John had been the first person he’d shared that fact with. John had been the first to tell him that it was okay to like boys, that it was normal and he had no reason to be ashamed. John had been his first boyfriend, and while it had been good while it lasted, their explosive personalities caused them to call it off, and agree to maybe try again when they were a little older. 

Even after the breakup, John had still owned Alex’s heart, and and was the reason Alex was able to wear his pride on his shoulder. That’s where the flag sat now, with the lion and the three new birds he’d gotten that day-for the new family the military had brought him.   
  


A seventh bird soon joined the rest of them, and now Alexander smiled weakly at it-something he hadn’t done in years. It was the bird for his wife, his Eliza. He’d fallen for her the moment he met her all those years ago at a gala for some retiring officers. Her kind eyes and beautiful smile had him just as helpless for her as she was for him. He’d written her countless letters over the year of their courtship, and he’d married her the year after that. This bird was carrying a love letter in its talons, the carrier of his endless words of affection for her. 

  
Then came a bird that threatened to make Alex cry all over again. Two years after their wedding, Alex and Eliza had been blessed with Philip. That was when Alex had retired completely from active duty and decided to go back to school. Alexander had never loved anything with the same ferocity that he loved his Philip with. The bird he’d gotten for his son was surrounded by a sun, a reminder of how bright and happy the boy had been, and the light he’d brought to his life.

  
Alex looked at the next tattoo fondly, tracing it with a gentle finger. Even as he’d been dating Eliza and starting his family, he never quite let go of John Laurens. The two had unfortunately grown apart, especially after the wedding. At the time, Alex had seen it as John’s fault entirely. But that all changed two weeks after Philip’s birth. He could remember Eliza silently setting the letter down on his desk. He could remember seeing those words, “killed in action”. Alex had spent that entire night at different bars, drinking away the pain. He got the tattoo the day after the funeral, John’s initials in the southerner’s own handwriting. From then on, the blame he’d once cast on John was now placed on his own shoulders.

  
The next tattoo was two years younger than John’s initials. Another bird, for his darling Angelica. She was their second daughter, beautiful and loving and the moment he saw her he’d known he would lay his life down for her in a heartbeat. Angie and Philip had grown up admiring the tattoos on their father’s arm, asking him to tell them the stories behind them. Eliza would often ask as well, tracing over them lovingly as they’d lie in bed together, when all was silent and peaceful. He would indulge them, of course, telling them all they could ever want to know about the images on his skin.

  
Alex had gone a little over a decade without getting anymore tattoos, planning on his next one being a clock-something to tease himself with about his fortieth birthday. Philip had told him he would go with Alex and get a tattoo of his own-flowers for his parents and siblings. Alex and his son had been close, closer than anyone else in the family. Eliza had always found it adorable. Philip had been a loving boy, adored his parents and his siblings, loved helping others. He always did what was right. And that was why the police had ended up coming to the Hamilton home with the news.

  
Philip had only tried to reason with the thugs, tried to get them to leave the woman alone. He had been doing the right thing, and that’s why he’d been shot. He’d only been nineteen. Alexander had been destroyed by his son’s death, turning to alcohol and growing very distant from his family. He spent more time in the bar than at home, struggling to cope with the loss. It was at the bar he’d met Maria, and it didn’t take long for Eliza to realize what he was doing. The divorce had been quiet, taking place just after the funeral. Alexander got the clock when he turned forty, surrounded by flowers-a symbol of his mourning instead of a pun about his age. His heart tore a little when he looked at it now, and he wondered to himself if Philip could see him now from the other side.

  
The next tattoo made him feel only slightly better. By the time of Philip’s death, he’d known Thomas for seven years. Thomas had just lost his wife Martha when they’d first met, and was getting back into the dating scene when Alexander lost his family. It was three years before a petty argument and a decade’s worth of sexual tension led to a very sudden, very angry kiss. That kiss turned into months of angry, hateful office sex-no feeling attached, just Thomas angrily taking Alex over a desk or Alex giving the roughest blowjob possible behind closed doors.

  
But somewhere in those months Alex had started bringing Thomas coffee, and Thomas had started buying Alex lunch. Their rough kisses had gotten a softer edge. And office sex had moved from the office to their homes. And without them realizing it entirely, hate had grown into something else, something much, much scarier.

  
They’d been drunk when they went to get tattoos of each other’s initials. Alex could still remember laughing so hard he’d gotten a stomach ache while Thomas cried over the pain of his first tattoo. That was the hardest he’d laughed since Philip died. Later on that night, as they’d laid side by side, Alex had told Thomas he loved him for the first time. Thomas had stared at him wide eyed before crashing their lips together. It was after he’d ravaged Alexander he’d whispered, “I love you too” in the ears of the smaller man, and Alex had fallen asleep with a smile on his face and a feeling in his heart he hadn’t felt in years.

  
Of course, he’d gotten a bird for Thomas. But he’d waited until after their wedding. This tenth bird was the gaudiest bird, which had offended Thomas. But Alex thought it was perfect, and wouldn’t have it any other way. The bird looked like Thomas’ personality, and that still made Alex smile.   
It had been the day after their wedding, and it hadn’t been the only tattoo he’d gotten. Thomas had watched in utter amusement as Alex got his vows tattooed on his ring finger. He still wasn’t sure if he’d cried over the pain of the joy in his heart at the time, but it didn’t matter to him now.

Alex was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Thomas clearing his throat. He too had tears in his eyes as he held out the tiny child in his arms. “Do you wanna hold her now?” Rachel Martha Jefferson had been born prematurely, and they’d almost lost her right when she was born. Even now she was almost frighteningly small, but at three weeks old, she was as healthy as could be, and for that both men were grateful.

    
Rachel’s half siblings all adored her. It had taken time, but Eliza had returned to Alex’s life as a friend. “Our kids need their father,” she’d said, a faint smile on her lips. Hilariously enough, she was in a relationship with Maria herself now, and she’d finally forgiven Alex for the affair. His kids loved Thomas, almost as much as Thomas loved them now. He’d always wanted to have lots of kids, and with his girls, Alex’s kids, and their little Rachel, his wish was finally being fulfilled.

    
Thomas moved to sit beside Alexander and laid the tiny bundle gently in his arms. Two large, sparkling brown eyes blinked up at the men drowsily, and she cuddled against her father’s chest. “She’s absolutely perfect, Alex,” Thomas sighed, wrapping an arm around the smaller man’s shoulder and giving him a gentle kiss to his cheek. Alex nodded and kissed Rachel’s nose.

  
“Absolutely perfect,” he agreed, stroking a finger against her dark, velvet soft skin. “Our perfect little girl.” Rachel was on her way to a nap, and Alex snuggled against his husband’s side as he watched her with nothing but awe and love in his eyes. Eliza smiled as she stood and brushed imaginary crumbs off her skirt.

  
“Well, I think it’s time to take my leave, and let you boys enjoy your first night with her.” She crossed the room and kissed the top of Alex’s head, then the top of Thomas’ head. “I’ll be back tomorrow with the rest of the crew, don’t forget they’re yours for the weekend.” Alex didn’t look up, just hummed a reply and nodded his head. Thomas chuckled and looked over at Eliza.

  
“We’re looking forward to it. Drive safe now, and let us know when you get home.” Eliza nodded and offered a wave before grabbing her purse and keys, then heading out the door. Thomas went to see her out, then closed the door and made his way to the kitchen. “Alex, what do you want for lunch?” he called gently. Alex didn’t reply, and Thomas frowned softly as he went back to the living room. “Alex?”

  
Alex was murmuring softly to Rachel, soft Spanish words that Thomas could only hear bits and pieces of. He watched with a soft smile before sitting down beside him again. “You think you’ve got space for another bird?” Alex shifted his gaze from his daughter to his tattooed arm, the sleeve John had convinced him to get, the marks of his past, his hurts and triumphs. And then he looked up at Thomas, all loving eyes and crooked smile, and he knew that this was it. This was where it all had led him. For the first time, everything was perfect. And he knew it was gonna stay like this. He was content with his life just the way it was. But still…

  
“I think I can make space for a few more birds.”

 

 


	2. Alternate Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The alternate ending! Trigger warning for self-harm guys!

And that was how Thomas found his husband-silent tears falling from his eyes as he stared at one arm, his other arm marked up with art of a much different kind. Thomas sighed softly and grabbed the first aid kit, before sitting on the floor in front of Alex. “Darlin’? You with me still?”  
It took a moment, but two dull eyes slowly shifted from the tattooed arm to Thomas’ worried face. Alex had never quite been able to conquer his depression, it came to haunt him every now and then. It hadn’t been bad lately, but today it had reared it’s ugly head, and Alex had already warned his husband it wasn’t going to be a good day. The red ribbons curling and swirling on his forearm was proof enough of that. Alex looked almost guilty as Thomas gently took the blade from his clenched hand.  
“M'sorry, Tommy,” he whispered, and his voice sounded so broken, so weak and afraid, it broke his heart.   
“You have nothing to apologize for, my love,” he whispered, starting to patch him up. He wrapped the bandages carefully around Alex’s arm, watching the cuts disappear under the soft white fabric of the bandages. Alex’s tears had stopped falling, and his eyes were now glued to his tattoos again. It almost seemed like he was staring at nothing, but Thomas knew he must have been seeing so much more than he would ever know about. With the cuts cleaned up and covered, Thomas got up and tossed the blade, before washing his hands and turning to Alex, who looked so small with his knees tucked against his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. It would have been endearing, if they were in a different situation.  
With a soft sigh, Thomas scooped his husband up and carried him to bed. “What can I get you, darlin’? Water or something?” He set Alex down and tugged the covers over his small frame. Alex didn’t answer right away, choosing to curl up to the pillow and take a few deep breaths before replying.  
“Water,” he whispered. “Cold.” So Thomas rushed off to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle from the fridge, then rushed back to the bedroom. Alex took the bottle quickly and took a few small sips before setting it down. “Lay with me please.” Alex cuddled into Thomas’ chest as soon as the taller man was laying down. “I’m sorry Tommy, I could’ve cleaned it up myself, I-”  
“Hush.” Thomas shook his head. “It’s fine, Alexander. I don’t mind cleaning it up and you know it. You have nothing to apologize for.” Alex let out a huff, but was silent for a few moments. Thomas let out a breath and hugged Alex closer, rubbing a gentle hand up and down his back. He could hear his husband thinking, and wished he could get just a glimpse into that genius head of his, see his pain and maybe find a way to push that pain away for good. For a long time it was silent between them. And then Alex broke the silence.  
“I almost did it this time.” Thomas felt his heart skip a beat.  
“Did what?” Alex didn’t answer. Thomas let out a shaky breath. He was lucky he’d gotten home when he did, then.  
“Did I tell you what the three birds near my chest are for?” Thomas shook his head. He’d figured out what some of them meant, but he still wanted to hear the story. And so Alex started talking, about his parents, about John and Philip and Hercules and the lion and the clock and everything in between. He told Thomas his life story in a way he had never heard before, finishing with the vows on his finger. By the end of it, Thomas was wiping tears from his own eyes.  
“Alex…” He leaned down and kissed the smaller man softly. “Alex, you’re the strongest man I know, you hear me. You’re stronger than even you realize. You didn’t give up when your mother died, you didn’t give up when you were at your lowest, you’ve never given up. Because that’s not like you. And that means that this? You’ll get through this too. And I’ll be there to help you through it this time.” Alex smiled, a faint, barely-there curve of his lips.  
“Thank you, Thomas.” Thomas smiled and rubbed his nose against Alexander’s.  
“Of course. You know, maybe you should start getting these on your back.” He traced his fingertips over his initials sprawled over Alex’s forearm. Alex raised an eyebrow.  
“Any suggestions for a tattoo?” Thomas nodded.  
“A phoenix. Because no matter what fires you go through, you always find a way to rise from the ashes.” Alex nodded slowly.  
“Alright. Phoenix it is. But for now, I’m going to nap for a while.” He pressed closer to Thomas and closed his eyes. “Thank you, Thomas.” Thomas just chuckled, kissing the top of his head.  
“Sleep well, my little phoenix.”

 

 


End file.
